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Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough Manufacturer: Dutton Adult List price: $25.95 50 new & used available from $12.63. |
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| You have a fulfilling job, a great group of friends, the perfect apartment, and no shortage of dates. So what if you haven't found The One just yet. Surely he'll come along, right? But what if he doesn't? Or even worse, what if he already has, but you just didn't realize it? Suddenly finding herself forty and single, Lori Gottlieb said the unthinkable in her March 2008 article in The Atlantic: Maybe she and single women everywhere, needed to stop chasing the elusive Prince Charming and instead go for Mr. Good Enough. Looking at her friends' happy marriages to good enough guys who happen to be excellent husbands and fathers, Gottlieb declared it time to reevaluate what we really need in a partner. Her ideas created a firestorm of controversy from outlets like the Today show to The Washington Post, which wrote, "Given the perennial shortage of perfect men, Gottlieb's probably got a point," to Newsweek and NPR, which declared, "Lori Gottlieb didn't want to take her mother's advice to be less picky, but now that she's turned forty, she wonders if her mother is right." Women all over the world were talking. But while many people agreed that they should have more realistic expectations, what did that actually mean out in the real world, where Gottlieb and women like her were inexorably drawn to their "type"? That's where Marry Him comes in. By looking at everything from culture to biology, in Marry Him Gottlieb frankly explores the dilemma that so many women today seem to face--how to reconcile the strong desire for a husband and family with a list of must-haves so long and complicated that many great guys get rejected out of the gate. Here Gottlieb shares her own journey in the quest for romantic fulfillment, and in the process gets wise guidance and surprising insights from marital researchers, matchmakers, dating coaches, behavioral economists, neuropsychologists, sociologists, couples therapists, divorce lawyers, and clergy--as well as single and married men and women, ranging in age from their twenties to their sixties. Marry Him is an eye-opening, often funny, sometimes painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of the modern dating landscape, and ultimately, a provocative wake- up call about getting real about Mr. Right. |
Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
Customer Reviews / Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
| If I had to summarize the message of this book in less than fifteen words, I would say:
"You don't need a Prince Charming to have a Happily Ever After." This book was a very worthwhile and thought-provoking read. That said, there are certain assumptions the book makes that did not settle well with me. I will start with a few things about this book that bothered me, and then move to some of the valuable things I took away from it. First, Gottlieb makes the assumption that most or all single women are single because they are rejecting perfectly wonderful men left and right for the most trivial of reasons. She assumes that many of our breakups are motivated mostly by the belief that we will find someone better. Never does she consider that a reader might have gone through a much different dating experience than hers even in their teens and twenties. There are a good number of women out there that have been rejected by men just as often or more often than they have been the ones doing the dumping. There are also many women who have let go of relationships for other reasons than a perpetual desire to climb the prince-charming-ladder, such as disagreements in fundamental values. Secondly, Gottlieb paints a picture that married life is always preferable to single life. While many of us dream of being married and having families, marriage can also be just as difficult and damaging in a bad situation. Never does Gottlieb truly address some of the increasingly grim realities of married life these days: high divorce rates and low rates of marital satisfaction. For this reason, even some committed couples are choosing to steer clear of the institution of marriage (Brangelina style). Thirdly, and a more minor qualm I have with the book, is that Gottlieb does not try to provide a balance between the male and female roles in the relationship. The way her book is written, it sounds like women are the only picky, uncommitted part of the equation. In reality, men are often extremely judgmental of women, expecting them to age like movie stars and look like models. I understand that part of this bias is because her book is targeted at women, not men, and therefore she is stressing that women need to look at their side of the equation. I must admit, this book made me a little paranoid as I read it. It made me feel old, like I need to find a man fast before the pool dries up. This desperate sort of energy is not what I want to bring to the dating scene. Now, I will move on to discussing a few things that I think are very important about this book. First and foremost, the idea of realistic expectations, compromise, and open-mindedness in searching for a partner is a message than many people (both male and female) would benefit greatly from. Gottlieb has a point when she says that women are told they deserve only the Prince Charming's of the world. That perfect man doesn't exist. Gottlieb's message is ultimately a hopeful one, though. Instead of thinking we have to find one perfect man out there among thousands, she opens us up to a whole world of great men that might be hiding where we would otherwise not look twice. I also like the distinction she makes between "romance" and "love." That spark we search for is not enough to sustain a relationship. That square jaw and dark hair will do nothing to support us when our kids are crying at night or our elderly parents pass away. We should be looking not for "soul mates" but for "soul companions"--people with whom love can grow. To summarize, this book's tone makes it target only a specific group of women--those that have been mistreating and rejecting men for the past twenty-five years in hopes that a magic man will happen along, all the while growing increasingly desperate and bitter. I think I can safely say most women aren't like that. But that doesn't mean the rest of us can't glean helpful tips from her experience. I am only twenty, and my biological clock has not even ticked once, yet. I read this book only because I wanted to see what all the controversy was about. I feel like I have my whole life ahead of me and all the time in the world to find the right guy. I also think I go into relationships with reasonable expectations and treat men respectfully. However, after reading this book, I DO think it will change the way I will approach the dating and relationship scene. I just think I will be more open to a greater variety of prospects, and not as quick to turn someone down when I don't feel an instant attraction. I would recommend this book to others my age. |
| My Kindle arrived as promised. When I completed the setup I noticed that the command "Create New Collection" was not displayed. I contacted Customer Service and was told that my Kindle had the older version of software and was given an excellent step-by-step procedure to download the latest software. I followed those instructions and successfully updated my Kindle software. I fail to understand why Amazon would deliver its Kindle units with outdated software. Other than that I am satisfied with the product. |
| I didn't really think I would like this book. I however found it interesting. I liked being able to see myself at different stages of dating - beginning in my twenties and now in my forties. I purchased this book for my mother - who just wanted to read it to see what it was about. She gave it to me and now I look at dating in my age bracket differently. I now can talk to my friends about the problems they've been having as well as addressing my own. |
| Please do not disregard this gem because of the title! I am married and heard about this book. I got it because I was intrigued and curious. I was not disappointed... it was witty, fun and refreshing. After reading the book, I realized that you don't have to be single to enjoy it. I'm not looking for a husband, not unhappy in my marriage and yet I gained a new appreciation for my relationship and my husband. This is truly a wonderful book that anybody could benefit from, no matter if you're single, married, divorced, separated, widowed, etc. |
| As a professional matchmaker in New York, I read Lori Gottlieb's book with particular interest and insight on the subject. I could not agree more with the advice and caution she offers to single women who are serious about finding a PARTNER - not just an exciting, good looking, funny DATE. The writing is intelligent and humorous at times and the message she is conveying is 100% on point. I only wish the title were not "Marry Him: The Case for Setting for Mr. Good Enough" as it gives a false impression of what she is saying (presumably, it was given this title to spark interest and seem controversial). Lori Gottlieb never advocates "settling" in her book but rather tries to get the reader to "compromise" and understand that there is no perfect person out there (while she raises the concept that you too, Reader, are likely not as "perfect" as you think you are) and therefore waiting for this perfect guy to appear is likely to lead to more unhappiness and frustration than would giving a wonderful, but imperfect, guy a chance (something she wishes she had done). She encourages women to get REALISTIC, forgive others for having "flaws" and not immediately discount a man because of superficial qualities like height, hair color or profession. In essence, she is reminding women to focus on the things that really matter and adjust their value system - an important message in today's times from which both men and women can benefit. However, as Lori Gottlieb soberly reminds us, a woman's dating/marriage options often shrink as she ages whereas men's typically increase. Thus, it is particularly important for women to hear her message earlier than later so they can heed her advice and start making smart choices. I consider this book a must read for anyone serious about finding a partner and who has wondered why she has not yet met Mr. Right.
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Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
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